My daughters took ballet lessons when they were little.  As usual, we had a dance recital to attend once a year.  It was an exciting time for a little girl – to be up on stage dressed in a pretty costume, stage make-up on your face, and hair up in a ballerina bun.  After an exciting dance-filled evening, we would greet our little ballerina after the show with flowers and praise.

Truth?  With all those little girls up on stage, dressed exactly alike and with the same hairdo, I sometimes wasn’t even sure which little girl was mine!  You had to look for clues, like dark hair bun vs blonde hair bun, and skinny kid vs chubby kid.  Eventually, towards the end of the dance number, I would finally figure out which kid was mine.

It was several years ago after one of our church Christmas concerts when my daughter Amanda was telling me how much she enjoyed the music.  I was one of the choir members.  Our choir had concert outfits – tuxes for the men and a skirt and top for the women.  Yes, we were all dressed alike.  Amanda said, “The concert was great, but I couldn’t see you up there, mom.  Where were you standing?”  I was on the top row.  Duh.  But I guess, from a distance, we all looked alike and she had trouble picking me out.

So – I just started this new job.  I hate starting new jobs.  Oh the ‘work’ part of the job isn’t so bad – it’s the part of figuring out where everything is and who-the-heck everyone is that I don’t like.  And there are two things that make it extra hard to get to know my co-workers.  #1 There are a lot of contingent employees.  Contingent means there are a lot of part-timers and so you don’t see the same people every day.  #2 Everybody wears scrubs!  I work in an out-patient surgical center and the first thing we do is change into blue scrubs – and if you happen to be someone who goes into the operating room, you have a bonnet on your head.  That makes it hard to use hair color as an identifier.  >sigh<

So there I am with all these people milling around me.  Is she a tech or a nurse?  And that guy?  Oh – he’s not a doctor he’s a tech, too.  Ahh … another nurse.  Oops, no, that’s the anesthesiologist.

This morning I was very anxious going to work.  The job is still very new and the unfamiliarity makes me feel uncomfortable, inadequate, and nauseous.  Then this blue-scrub-clad women walks by and I hear her voice, and I recognize her voice!  She turns to me and we both had this “Ah ha!” moment.  “Pat!” I cried.  “Laurel” she replied.  Oh my goodness – it was a familiar face, and I didn’t know she worked there, and I hugged her, and she hugged me back, and we both we smiling and laughing, and it felt SO GOOD!

Seeing Pat instantly turned my anxious day around because I suddenly knew someone and it just made me feel a little more like I belonged.

After that, I figured I would dive right in and I just started asking everyone their name and told them I probably would ask again and again.  And I tried calling people by name – even if I knew I was probably wrong at guessing who they were.  I decided it was better to talk to them and goof their name because at least they were getting to know me.

 I have been privileged to sing at a few funerals.  I say privileged, because it means something special to be asked to share my voice at such a personal affair – where family is grieving a loved one and God seems so near.  It is very difficult to sing at a funeral and I have to mentally distance myself from what is happening so I can sing without crying.

At one particular funeral, I sang with my friend Cherie the song, “He Knows My Name”.  Oh my I love that song.  Makes me cry to sing it – and I don’t have to be at a funeral!  For those who don’t know it – here are some of the lyrics: 

I have a maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hand

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me his own
He’ll never leave me
No matter where I go

Such a perfect funeral song.  Can you imagine being at the pearly gates and as you walk through, Jesus sees you coming and His whole face lights up as he RECOGNIZES you??  I mean – when we get to heaven we might all look the same with our heavenly robes and wings and all – but I’m sure we’ll be recognized!  And He will call us by name!

For now – I will try to learn the names of all these new people at work.  And if all else fails, I will just have to say, “Hey you in the blue scrubs!”

just Laurel

by the way ….

Moving out day has been delayed.  We have found a wonderful person, Aranne (pronounced like Erin) who wants to work full-time as a staff person for Amanda.  She has paperwork and orientation to get through so it might be an extra week.  We also will need one or two other staff to fill in part-time – so please pray we find those extra’s who want some part-time hours with Amanda.  And keep Aranne in your prayers – she could use a little help right now!

It was a day of directions.  Wrong directions, needing directions, being shown the right directions, and giving directions.

It started out in the gym.  My friend Clara and I go to the gym together every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Before working out on the machines, we always walk several laps on the inside track.  The track traffic always moves counter-clockwise.  We are used to walking that direction.

We had to change things up this week and exercised today.  Today was Tuesday.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays, the track traffic goes clockwise.  I’m serious!  The gym actually puts up signs to mark which way to go!  For Clara and I it felt awkward.  It didn’t feel right.  As we rounded the corners, our bodies wanted to go one way and we had to forcefully lean the other.  We didn’t like going in that direction!

Then Clara gives me this picture she tore out of a magazine.  It was a seasonal centerpiece made with ACORNS!  (She has been reading my blogs.)  With my surplus, she thought I would love to make this lovely thing with a hurricane lamp and a candle inside with acorns lovingly filling the space between the outer glass and the inner candle.  It was pretty.  When I dropped Clara off at her house, I told her I would go home and gather nuts!

I went home and (hoping my neighbors weren’t looking) got out the snow shovel and a leaf rake.  I took big swishing swipes with the rake in an attempt to pull the acorns together.  Then I tried shoveling them in a pile.  Finally, I started picking them up by hand (I REALLY hoped the neighbors weren’t looking) and put them in a bowl.  Hurriedly, I put everything back in the garage and took my bowl of acorns in the house.

Then I washed those acorns!  With all that I had to do today, there I was with a colander of nuts in my sink, rinsing them off.

Then I put the candle in the hurricane lamp and started dropping in the acorns.  I had picked up a few pretty little leaves with the acorns, and was dropping those in as well.  Then I realized how stupid this was – I mean I was putting nuts and dried leaves around a CANDLE.  I envisioned the whole thing going up in blazes!  This wasn’t right.  I looked again at the picture Clara gave me and realized that the perfect, shiny, identical, unblemished acorns were probably fake acorns!  The picture did not include directions!

But since I’ve spoken so much about acorns lately, I thought I’d take a picture of my creation for you to see any ways.  It looks

kinda cute and Autumn-y.  I don’t think I’ll light the candle again though!

So then my day moved onto staffing issues for Amanda.  I called the staffing agency to remind them that we were planning on an October 1st moving day and I had not heard about any staff people yet.  I was told “Oh we got staff for her, we just need to get together with you to be trained by you on what they’re supposed to do.”  Hmmmmm.

Next phone call was to Amanda’s case worker.  Basically, I asked her “Huh????”  She said “No, no, no.  We aren’t training them until after you interview them and see if you like the staff they found for you.”  THANK YOU!  That sounded like the right sequence of events here.  I was so glad I spoke to her and got the right directions on how to proceed!

Now it was getting to be late afternoon.  As I was trying to get things done and dinner started, my mother (bless her heart) sent me an email at how she couldn’t figure out how to read her granddaughter’s blog and she had messed things all up with passwords and user names.  Now I think it’s super cool that my folks actually have a computer and know how to email and google and such.  But, it’s usually Ted that helps them sort out computer issues.  Ted was busy.  But this time, I thought I could help her puzzle through it.  It took longer than I planned, and it was challenging trying to get her to hold the phone to her ear while typing on the computer, but we did it and got all things running smoothly!  This time, I was giving directions!

From walking in the wrong direction, lacking directions, receiving proper direction, and then giving directions, I feel like I have made progress today in no direction at all!  In fact I am spinning and I am tired.

I hope you all have a tomorrow with clear directions!

just Laurel

Proverbs 4:11  I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.

My weekend included a little bit of shopping that resulted in a couple of interesting observations.  Now, I’m not a fan of shopping.  Grocery shopping is done strictly by the made-ahead list.  Go in, get what you need, and get out.  There’s no strolling the aisles, fellow-shipping with the fruits and vegetables, or seeking out the new item on the shelf.  Likewise, when shopping for clothes or household goods, I usually have something in mind ahead of time so that I have a good mindset of what I’m looking for.  If I don’t see it right away, I don’t dilly dally hunting for it.

On Friday, Amanda and I took a quick stroll of a couple local stores, looking for a few items for her apartment.  Now her apartment has tiled floors.  Perfect flooring for a wheelchair user.  Carpet can kink up and slow her down.  My concern is that her apartment might be cold and loud with the hard floors.  We both agreed that perhaps the right area rug in the living room might look great and warm things up.  We’d put it in front of the couch (where she wouldn’t be sitting anyways) and we’d be looking for one with a low pile so if she had to cross it, it would be easy to manuever.

At one particular store they had a wall with a rack of area rugs on rug hangers that you could shuffle through.

And there it was!

This beautiful rug.  Just the right size.  A reasonable price.  Dark brown with bright colorful flowers that we could use to pull colors from and add pillows to her couch to match.  I thought we should buy it.  But it would be big and heavy for me to carry.  In the back of my head I struggled also with the thought that making a big purchase like this meant that I was making one more step closer to committing to moving Amanda out.  Of course she is moving out Oct. 1st.  Of course I must still be scared.

No one else was going to buy that rug, I thought.  I decided to go home and sleep on it and bring Ted back the next day so HE could carry it.

We didn’t go back on Saturday.

On Sunday I went grocery shopping with my ready list.  As I efficiently worked my way through the store, finishing in the front by the produce, I overheard the following conversation.  A young boy, perhaps seven or eight years old, walked past the bin piled high with fresh green beans.  He stopped and quizzically picked up a bean between his thumb and index finger, like he was picking up some icky little thing.  He turned to his dad and asked, “What is this??”

Really?  Are you kidding me??

His father answered, “A green bean” and the boy just responded “Oh” and dropped the icky thing back on the pile.

What is wrong with our kids these days?  Are we not feeding them vegetables?  Or maybe all this boy got were cut green beans from a can, or green beans hidden under layers of mushroom soup and cheese in mystery casserole form.  He didn’t recognize a green bean!

Later Sunday I took Ted back to the store with the area rugs.  We shuffled through the heavy hangers, as I expected to recognize our perfect rug at the next turn … until I got to the end of the hangers … and realized it was gone!  Major bummer.

Next time, when I see it, and recognize it as the perfect thing, I am going to purchase it.

And I’m going to be sure to (some day) teach my grandchildren all about vegetables.

just Laurel