(This blog is the eleventh in the series about “Countdowns” as I count down to Amanda’s moving out and count down to the Celebration Concert.)

If.  This one little word made itself largely known to me today.  And it has helped put together today’s blog.

Think of how many times we use the word ‘if.’  With pangs of regret, we often lament and say, “If only” this and “If only” that.  If only she had gone to the doctor sooner.  If only I had picked up the phone when he called.  If only I had remembered to set the alarm. If only I had taken the time.  And then, what about the “What ifs?”  Oh there are so many of those!  What if the snowstorm hits and I miss my flight home?  What if the diagnosis is cancer?  What if I can’t find a job?  What if I can’t afford the house payment?  And then there are the oh-so-popular “If – then” statements.  If you eat your vegetables, then you can have dessert.  If I get that raise, then we can afford a vacation.  If he doesn’t get home in time, then I will go without him.

Then there are the idioms and phrases with ‘if.’

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
(Please pardon the explicative.)

No ifs, ands, or buts.

As if.

We get the keys to Amanda’s apartment tomorrow.  Yay!  But here is my ‘if’ report (not at all related to an ‘ef-ing’ report … sorry … I do not like that word and you will never see me use it – but I had to pun!)

If I had all her stuff packed up and if all the staff was ready to go – and if my morning surgery goes well and if I feel okay in the afternoon – we could have Amanda moved in tomorrow.  We are all ready for this big move – if only it were a done deal by now then I could relax.  What if there are any more delays – I think I will scream!  But ask Amanda – I’ve done a lot of screaming this week!  Oh Lord, if only the neighbors could hear me.

Four days to concert.  (If only my scratchy throat would go away.)  Song number eleven is another new one.  It is titled:  “This is Christmas” and the lyrics ask the question, what is Christmas?

What is Christmas if there never was a Savior wrapped in a manger?
What is Christmas if the angels never sang, “Glory to the newborn King”?
What is Christmas without Christ?

A couple of years back, retail clerks were warned not to dismiss a customer with “Merry Christmas” but had to say “Happy Holidays” instead.  Puh – lease!  I was infuriated!  We celebrate Christmas because of the birth of Christ!  Those are Christmas trees y’all are decorating with!  It’s called Christmas because the Son of God was born and heaven rejoiced.  Angels sang and a big star shined in the East.  If people hadn’t recognized and believed in the birth of the savior, we wouldn’t even have a Christmas.

So…

I have a busy couple of days ahead of me.  First there is surgery tomorrow morning to remove the tumor on my left hand.  (No, I am not nervous!)  Then the rest of tomorrow, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be focused on the remaining rehearsals that culminate in Sunday’s concert as we also work each day on gradually moving Amanda’s stuff over to her new place.  By Monday, my hand will be just fine, the concert will be over, and Amanda will be moved.

No ifs, ands or buts about that!

just Laurel

(This blog is the tenth in the series about “Countdowns” as I count down to Amanda’s moving out and count down to the Celebration Concert.)

Two days and we get the keys to Amanda’s apartment.  Most everything is falling into place.  Since we initially were moving her to Canton, some forty plus minutes away, our change to moving her five minutes away made for a ‘blip’ in our plans.  The blip is that the staff we were lining up to use in Canton are not the same as the ones here in Woodhaven.  Drat all the paperwork and hiring requirements!  We are still pretty much on track, but little changes sure can put bumps in the road of well-made plans.

It’s like the blip that happens when you map out a road trip.  You weren’t expecting that flat tire, were you?  That one change, that one unplanned for thing tries to upset your whole apple cart.

I have a friend who was braving a new meatloaf recipe.  The ingredients called for included a can of cream of mushroom soup.  In typical mom-haste, because moms are busy and distracted by small people, she tossed all the ingredients in the bowl.  As she tried to mix everything together into a loaf, well things weren’t really coming together.  The blip was that the mushroom soup was supposed to be poured over the meatloaf and not mixed in.

Another frequent blip people encounter is this:  Just when a husband and wife have reached their goal of having two children, the perfect house, and comfortable jobs, baby number three happens.  Talk about upsetting the ‘ole apple cart!  That happened almost two thousand years ago to a couple named Mary and Joseph.

Song number ten in the Celebration concert this Sunday is:  “A Baby Changes Everything.”  Mary discovered she was pregnant and, oops, it didn’t belong to her betrothed, Joseph.  Good thing the angels explained it all to them.

But …

I think it is significant to look at how others react to blips in their lives.  How about how each of us reacts?  That blip, or change, or alteration in well made plans can foul or fuel.  If we get all upset when little disturbances or snags in life happen then we probably won’t make much progress or distance in what we do with our lives.  When the snags happen, it’s as if someone has cried “Foul” and we stop the play in our game of life.  But if we use the small snags or blips as exercises in faith or strength and face them with determination, then we can let them act as fuel to move us to our goal!

We have a couple of great young ladies who want to be staff persons for Amanda.  They are getting all the hiring mumbo-jumbo taken care of and are not allowing the snags to stop their progress.

And that flat tire?  If you really want to reach your destination, I bet you got your tire fixed and kept driving.  So what if you were a little late.

My friend’s meatloaf ended up more like a stroganoff and was delicious!

And that baby?  We all know that Mary and Joseph carried on with the plan.  Having a baby really changed things for them because of how it all happened.  They were very brave.  But what is really a miracle, is that not only did it change things for their own personal lives, that little baby Jesus changed EVERYTHING for the people of the world!

A Baby Changes Everything.

just Laurel

(Don’t be afraid of blips!)

(This blog is the ninth in the series about “Countdowns” as I count down to Amanda’s moving out and count down to the Celebration Concert.)

You’ve heard the expression, “It’s like riding a bicycle.  You never forget.”  I was feeling that today.  Not the bike riding part.  It was the memory of some not-so-nice days gone by that I was experiencing a similar day today – and all the feelings came rushing in like it was yesterday.  It was like getting back on that bicycle for a ride I did not want to take again.  Ever.

Why, yes, I will explain for you.

For those of you who don’t know, about a year and a half ago my husband moved back home.  He had been living and working for about a year and a half in another state while I stayed here with Amanda.  I had to stay here and try to sell the house.  We saw each other most, but not every weekend.  It was a sad, lonely, disjointed, miserable, lousy year and a half.  Neither of us liked it.  I pretty much survived by going through the motions and hanging on to my sanity by my fingertips.  Ted and I never want to live like that again.  We do much better as a couple.  Together.  But last week his job took him out-of-state and he was gone from Monday morning until late Friday evening.  Oh, Lord, it felt just like before.  The week dragged and I felt stuck in a lonely limbo world.  We both had the same nauseating feelings come back and sweep over us.  And just like before, after being together for the weekend, he up and left again this morning.  Out of town.  Out of the state.  Hopefully home this time on Wednesday.  But, we both just feel awful.  Like a bad dream come back to haunt us of a time we want to forget.

As I felt myself spiraling downward today and being sucked into those horrible feelings of past days, I realized I had to change directions and at least get out of the house.  I told Amanda to get her jacket on and off we went.  I surprised her by swinging past her apartment.  We were told we could come check it out now that it has been cleaned and readied for us.  I think she really liked it.  We will get the keys in three days.  The apartment has not been modified to be handicap accessible but Amanda usually fits most places we go because she and her wheelchair are pretty petite.  There were only two major things that she couldn’t reach:  the bathroom faucet handles and the button buzzer that she pushes to let people in.  I asked if we bought a bathroom sink faucet with handles she could reach – could we or they install them.  No problem.  The manager was also nice enough to offer to move the security buttons on the wall down lower for Amanda to reach.  We’ll get things changed a bit and Amanda will be settled in before we know it.  She can take all her habits and rituals and routines that are performed in this house and start again at her apartment.  It’ll be like getting right back on that ‘ole bicycle – different place, but same old familiar ride.

Six days until concert.  I hope we have a full house!  If you have journeyed with me on these last nine blogs about ‘count downs’ you will know that we are talking each day about another song from the concert, and I have been discussing them in order.  The second half of the concert takes us into Christmas.  The ninth song is titled, “Night Divine.”  The night that Christ was born was like no other.  There was nothing familiar.  No one could say “Oh, I remember that happening once before.”  There was no getting back on any familiar bike ride.  This was out of the ordinary.  The new King of Kings was a baby!  The lyrics tell how it felt:

O night divine.  Hear the angels singin’, “Holy are You, Lord Most High.”
The saints proclaimin’, “You alone are glorified.”
The stars exclaimin’, “O night divine, O night divine.”

It is a new song for Celebration to be singing.  And it is one of my new favorites.

I will survive Ted being out-of-state and gone.  It’s a familiar ride and I know there is an end.  I’ve gotten through it before.  I just don’t like it.

The birth of Christ some two thousand years ago?  I don’t think the world has gotten over that one yet!  His birth changed everything!

It was divine.

just Laurel

(This blog is the eighth in the series about “Countdowns” as I count down to Amanda’s moving out and count down to the Celebration Concert.)

Nothing much has really happened in the past couple of days that has any significance to Amanda’s move in four days.  We know we get the keys on Thursday and living room furniture is being delivered on Friday.  We have stuff here to pack and move over to her apartment.  I have to call on the billing this week for her utility bill and check on setting up internet service for her.  We have our staff people, but they are still jumping through the orientation hoops at the Guidance Center.  I think it will be a slow move – meaning it won’t all happen on Thursday – but gradually over the long weekend from Thursday through Sunday.  That’s okay.

It is rather like a dream come true – finally – for her to be moved to her own place.  It’s about time, don’t you think?  It has been twenty-nine years of dreaming.  Not the dreams you have when you sleep, but the wish-upon-­a-star kind where you really, really hope for something.  We’ve had dreams for all of our children through the years, like everyone does.  Dreams that our children will grow up happy, be successful, will attend the best college, graduate with honors, get a great job, find the perfect spouse, live a good life.  The dreams-come-true hasn’t always happened for Amanda.  We’ve had some challenges along the way!  But we will take whatever we can get.  I hope she loves being lord and master over her own place and really takes personal ownership of things.  For Amanda to be living in her own place has always been a dream for Ted and me.  It will also be so nice for Ted and me to be a couple again – and not a three-some.

I happened to sit down with Ted this afternoon as he was watching an episode of “Once Upon a Time.”  It is a TV series that looked good to me from the commercials, but one I never got around to watching.  The series takes place in the fictional seaside town of Storybrooke, Maine, in which the residents are actually characters from various fairy tales that were transported to the “real world” town by a powerful curse cast by the Evil Queen.  It really is a creative concept the writers came up with for this television show.  Each episode focuses on a character back story. One segment details their life in the fairy tale world that, when serialized, adds a piece to the puzzle about the characters and their connection to the events that preceded the curse and its consequences. The other, set in the present day, follows a similar pattern with a different outcome but also offers similar insights.  The episode that Ted was watching involved the seven dwarfs – but Grumpy was actually named Dreamy.  Although a dwarf, he tended to dream about other things, places, and a life apart from the mines.  He falls in love with a beautiful young girl who is trying to learn to become a fairy godmother.  They dream together of literally sailing off in a small ship and seeing the world together.  The blue fairy, who is head of all the fairies, gives Dreamy a talking-to and tells him that his fairy girlfriend should be left alone to become a fairy godmother and for him to return to the mines where he belongs.  It made me so sad – because that’s just what Dreamy felt resigned to do!  His dreams were squashed!  In this television story, the dwarves get named by their mining pick-axes and as the dwarves grab the wooden handles, their chosen names appear on the handle.  Poor, sad Dreamy goes back to the mines and grabs a new pick-ax.  The name “Grumpy” carves itself into the handle, forever labeling the former Dreamy to his new persona.

I was so saddened by Dreamy/Grumpy’s shattered dreams!  I think he and fairy girlfriend should have gotten out of there!  Again – very creative writing on the part of the TV series.

So, finally, let us segue into song number eight of the Celebration concert that is happening one week from today.  The song is titled, “When Love Was Born.”  It is a beautiful song that tells of imagining what it was like that night when God’s Son was born.  We know the night was clear because shepherds saw a bright star.  I’ll bet the sky was full of stars along with that one bright one!  Angels overhead were probably vying for the best view and had to hold back their enthusiastic songs of praise for a quiet lullaby.  People had been waiting so very long for a messiah – a king.  They had earthly visions of a wealthy prince being born in splendor and majesty.  Whoever would have dreamed for the King of Kings to be born in a lowly manger in the humble and simple little town of Bethlehem?  My favorite lyric that reflects this thought:  “Bethlehem, through your small door, came the hope we’ve waited for.”

I believe in dreaming.  It is an optimistic way to look at life.  It is synonymous with hope. Aren’t our hopes the same as our dreams?   So if I were to think I was too old, or too tired, or simply done with dreaming would mean that I’ve given up all hope.  Ha!  Not me.

Besides, I’d rather be a ‘’Dreamy” then a “Grumpy.”

just Laurel

They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.

EDGAR ALLAN POE, “Eleonora

Dreams last as long as you let them … both good and bad.

MICHAEL MARSHALL, The Upright Man

A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities.

J. R. R. TOLKIEN, New York Magazine, Nov. 20, 1978

(This blog is the seventh in the series about “Countdowns” as I count down to Amanda’s moving out and count down to the Celebration Concert.)

A week from today we get the keys to Amanda’s apartment!  I don’t think we will get her entirely moved that day – considering I am having surgery that morning to remove the tumor on my hand.  But we will start taking things over in the afternoon.  The living room furniture is being delivered the next day.  And we still have many little details to work out.  Like, how and where to wash her hair.

I suppose you need me to explain.

All of you physically able people out there probably wouldn’t have to consider this task.  Just jump in the shower, right?  Or bend over the sink if you are in a hurry.  Amanda sits in a wheelchair all day.  She can’t jump into the shower or bend over a sink.  Every week or so I lift her down into the bathtub for a full soak and wash (her body doesn’t really get that ‘dirty’) but every day she washes her hands, brushes her teeth, washes her face, and we wash her hair for her.  Amanda has real greasy hair and it needs daily washing.  Where do you think we wash her hair?  Ted or I take on the task by lifting Amanda up so that she sits on the kitchen counter next to the sink.  With one hand and arm, we support her while she lies back, face up, and with the other hand we wet, shampoo, and rinse her hair.  When Amanda is in her own apartment, we don’t’ want her helpers to have to do that.  There is the liability of Amanda falling off the counter or her workers hurting their back or shoulders with the lifting (like my own back and shoulders that are already shot).

Some people may say, that’s a strange way to wash her hair.  Why do it like that?  You wash her hair where?  But it’s really been the best solution for us. 

So I found this plastic ‘hair funnel’ thingy today at the beauty supply place.  It Velcro’s around her head like a plastic drape, around the back of her neck, above her ears, and across her forehead.  With Amanda backed up to a sink or the tub and using a telephone water sprayer, she should be able to sit there while her hair is shampooed, with the water running down her back onto the plastic sheeting that funnels the water out – hopefully into the sink or tub.  Can’t wait to see if it works!

Ten days until concert!  I hope my little blogs have helped you become familiar with our songs.  Our seventh song is titled, “Here.”  It is a beautiful Christmas ballad.  When considering the arrival of a king, most people envision rich accommodations:  beautiful and comfortable rooms, the best food, lovely clothes for the attendees, and simply the best of everything.  No one expected the King of Kings to arrive as a baby.  In this song, the lyrics speak of it like this:

Here, where a town makes no room for two strangers, all alone and running out of time.
Here, where a stable door is open to a manger, on a night where angels fill the sky.
The Holiness of heaven has come as one of us, the Hope of all creation drawing near.
The blessed King of ages steps into hist’ry’s pages; our long-awaited Savior has appeared.

God chose to send His Son Jesus to earth to be born and to live like one of us.  I like that.

Some people may say, that’s a strange way for the Savior to be born.  Why do it like that?  Jesus was born where??  But it’s really been the best solution for us.

Just Laurel