nar ‘ cis ‘ sism

July 9, 2014 Leave a Comment

I shall be veering from my regular format for the next few weeks.

Why?

I said YES to a short-term mission trip! Saturday the 12th I leave for Guatemala. I will be traveling with another nurse, a dentist, a doctor, and a pastor. Both this week and next my blog will address 6 ways that mission trips are supposed to change lives. (gulp) Okay – I went into this thing with eyes wide open and with no expectations. But I really think it’s gonna surprise me. I am writing next week’s blogs THIS week and will have to show Ted how to post these for you to read while I’m gone. And then, I plan to go over these 6 reasons again when I return – to see how things changed for me.

According to Seth Barnes*, the second way short-term missions change lives is by revealing our narcissism. Okay … just so we all understand this:

nar·cis·sism

[nahr-suh-siz-em]

noun

inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity. Synonyms: self-centeredness, smugness, egocentrism.

I think we all have some narcissistic tendencies – times when we are selfish. Who isn’t needy and egocentric at times? But sometimes we need to step back and take a good look at the things in our little worlds that really are petty concerns compared to the needs of others. The air conditioning is broke and we are hot? What if we lived where there was no electricity and we could never escape the scorching summer heat? We suffer a small cut and fix it quickly with triple antibiotic ointment and a Band-Aid. With no access to clean water or fancy ointment – people in poor countries could get an infection and die from a small cut.

And even in our own comfortable, civilized, worldly world we live in … how often do we whine about trivial things that in reality are of little concern in comparison to God, love, and life?

In Guatemala we will be sharing medical knowledge, doing dentistry in the small dental/medical building, and building relationships with the people. I hope I can set aside my own discomforts and needs so that I can see the needs and concerns of others.

Open my eyes Lord – Give me Your eyes so I can see.

Just Laurel

2 Timothy 3:1-7 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people

*Posted in Short-term Missions by Seth Barnes on 10/19/2010

… a world view …

July 7, 2014 Leave a Comment

I shall be veering from my regular format for the next few weeks.

Why?

I said YES to a short-term mission trip! Saturday the 12^th I leave for Guatemala. I will be traveling with another nurse, a dentist, a doctor, and a pastor. Both this week and next my blog will address 6 ways that mission trips are supposed to change lives. (gulp) Okay – I went into this thing with eyes wide open and with no expectations. But I really think it’s gonna surprise me. I am writing next week’s blogs THIS week and will have to show Ted how to post these for you to read while I’m gone. And then, I plan to go over these 6 reasons again when I return – to see how things changed for me.

According to Beth Barnes*, the first way short-term missions change lives is by changing your worldview. She stated that Americans are “notoriously provincial.” Hmm. Alright, I will confess that I’ve heard the word ‘provincial’ before but I was not certain of its meaning. There were several definitions, but I believe this is the one that fits here: “not knowing or caring about people and events in other places; having narrow or limited concerns or interests.”

Well I think that is most certainly true, don’t you? I understand Guatemala is very poor. I don’t know what life is like in that hot, poor little country. Why should I care? I think I may be shocked at the lifestyle. Now, with it being “Tell me more about SB Mondays” – I really wonder what I may see in Guatemala. They do not have the medical care available there like we do in the states. Babies born with spina bifida probably have very little hope down there. I heard from someone who has gone to Guatemala before that he saw some disturbing sights – crippled people scooting around on small wheeled boards. Oh my.

I think I will see different people dealing with some of the same tough things we deal with in America, but in different ways.

I don’t know.

But I do know that I believe in the common bonds and love of family – where parents want the best for their children including the best medical care possible. The best care down there will probably be quite minimal from what we are used to up here.

It’s gonna be a real eye-opener I’m sure.

If you could keep me and my whole team in your prayers for the week we are gone – that would be awesome!

I’ll let you know when I get back if the trip has changed my worldview.

Just Laurel

Acts 10:35 But in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.

*Posted in Short-term Missions by Seth Barnes on 10/19/2010

hear the light

July 2, 2014 Leave a Comment

Faith

It’s Faith-refresher Wednesday

Oh my what a day.

For those of you who read and follow Amanda through my blog, you already know the challenges we have faced lately with her. I will not go into detail (‘cuz you can always back up and read earlier posts) but shall try to give you a quick snapshot of last night.

We have temporarily lost staff workers for Amanda’s care so I have been helping her to bed at night at her apartment. Amanda must wear her AVAP mask at night for health reasons. (Again – read older posts if you need more information.) For three and a half hours last night Amanda fought me over her mask. I would put her to bed, she’d call for me, she’d adjust her mask, she would lie back down, she would get out of bed, she would argue with me that it wasn’t fitting right, she would try to adjust – adjust – and adjust it …. Again …. And again …. And then her frustration made her sick to her stomach and …. You guessed it … she puked … and then she took it off … I would put it on … I lost it and got angry with her … she got angry and slammed her bedroom door on me … and so it went on from 10:30pm until 2 in the morning when she finally quieted down and went to sleep.

I was livid. I was exhausted. I was angry at Amanda. I was freaking out about how I was going to get through a day at work with only a couple hours of sleep – work started at 6:30am for me today.

I struggled through a day of work under extreme fatigue that gave me one heck of a headache and nauseous as well.

Then I overheard something quirky that was said at work. The nurse manager was talking to someone when she stopped and stated, “Oh you better get that patient. I hear the light.”

Hear the light?

Don’t we usually see the light?

I commented to her how funny that sounded … but she indeed made sense. You see, when a patient signs in at the front desk, the receptionist presses a button that lights a light back where we are in the operating room area to alert us that we have a patient. When the light is activated, it also emits a “beep”. Yes – she ‘heard’ the light go on!

It made me think 🙂

When life gives us struggles and we send desperate pleas to God for help, we tend to look for answers. We want something we can SEE.

We all know that answers to prayer may come now … or later … but always in God’s time and according to His will.

Many times when we are made to wait, I believe He is trying to teach us to be more trusting – but wants to encourage us to stay faithful. He may send us a sign of His answer or His presence … in other ways.

I tried not to let my fatigue and headache affect my performance at work today. I mean – I can be quite the actress! But my stress won and must have been written all over my face. As I was ending the long day and the anesthesiologist was getting ready to leave, she came up to me and said, “I don’t know what you are going through, but I will keep you in my prayers.”

Oh my – she made me cry.

How beautiful and how wonderful – that even in a secular work place I would have this splash of encouragement from a doctor who I only know casually and see only every other week or so. It was comforting to know that God’s people are there and ready to hold another person up in prayer. I’m not alone. And did I mention all the hugs I got from the great girlies I work with??

I know things will work out with Amanda. God is faithful.

But if you are waiting for an answer to prayer … waiting to see that sign you are desiring … hoping to see a light shine out of your dark place … you need to listen for God or even try to feel His presence. He may reveal Himself to you in more ways than one: A whisper, a sigh, a setting sun, a friend’s hug, or a friendly smile.

Thank you Dr. Jones for letting me hear the light today.

Just Laurel

… I remember you ! …

June 30, 2014 5 Comments

Tell me more (about SB) Mondays

It can be a pleasant surprise to look at the list of patients that will be seen for the day at work and see a familiar name. It can be an old neighbor, someone from church, or simply an old friend.

Today at work there was a name on the list, Sue Kusner. Man oh man did that name sound familiar. I wracked my brain to try and recall the association. Someone I worked with before? A name I knew from Ted? One of my daughter’s teachers? I was stumped. But it nagged at me because it sounded so familiar.

After her surgery was complete, Sue was in my care. She didn’t look familiar … well maybe a little. I told her point blank that her name sounded familiar and I asked her where she worked. At this point, of course, she had the opportunity to recognize me – but as I was in surgical bonnet and garb – there was just my face – no hair – and I was hiding behind large reading glasses. She listed off several places she had worked – listing a couple of medical facilities. After a few minutes exchange where we both pretty much gave up with the possibility of any connection, my co-worker said to Sue, “Didn’t you say you were a physical therapist?” “Yes,” she replied, “At Detroit Children’s Rehab.”

LIGHTBULB MOMENT!

“Oh my gosh!” I replied. “Did you ever work with Amanda Greshel?”

Now it was Sue’s turn for the LIGHTBULB MOMENT.

“Yes!” she cried. “Oh my gosh,” she continued, “I came to your house to do physical therapy with Amanda! Does she still have her service dog?”

We were practically shouting with excitement at each other and got everyone in recovery listening in and smiling. “Now I recognize your smile!” she said. “This moment deserves a hug,” she gushed. And we did.

So now how does this story fit with the “Tell me more about SB Monday” theme? It does in the following two big points I want to share.

POINT NUMBER ONE: With all the complications that occur with a diagnosis of spina bifida, did you know that the list of professionals that one sees can include any and all of these:

Physiatrists coordinate the rehabilitation efforts of different therapists and prescribe specific therapies, adaptive equipment, or medications to encourage as high of a functional performance within the community as possible.

Orthopedists monitor growth and development of bones, muscles, and joints.

Neurosurgeons perform surgeries at birth and manage complications associated with tethered cord and hydrocephalus.

Neurologists treat and evaluate nervous system issues, such as seizure disorders.

Urologists to address kidney, bladder, and bowel dysfunction – many will need to manage their urinary systems with a program of catheterization. Bowel management programs aimed at improving elimination are also designed.

Orthotists design and customize various types of assistive technology, including braces, crutches, walkers, and wheelchairs to aid in mobility. As a general rule, the higher the level of the spina bifida defect, the more severe the paralysis, but paralysis does not always occur. Thus, those with low levels may need only short leg braces, whereas those with higher levels do best with a wheelchair, and some may be able to walk unaided.

Physical therapists, occupational therapists, psychologists, and speech/language pathologists aid in rehabilitative therapies and increase independent living skills.

So if you wonder why those people with spina bifida seem like they are always running to a doctor’s appointment – well now you know why!

POINT NUMBER TWO People with spina bifida have the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people! The professionals who devote their lives and hearts to the special needs of those with spina bifida are precious and cherished. And like Sue – remembered! (Well – it DID take a few minutes – but she was always just wonderful with helping Amanda!)

Thanks Sue!

Just Laurel

tWo mOnThS

June 26, 2014 Leave a Comment

I CARE for you Fridays.
My Friday blogs are devoted to all caregivers out there but may inspire just about anyone reading.

(My Friday blog is out a day early – but circumstances nudged it out a day early because I had to write while this whole mess was fresh.)

So … I am stunned. I am frustrated. I am broken.

Quick update on those of you who don’t know the full story (and click on the ‘About’ tab on my website homepage and then ‘Amanda updates’): Amanda has been living in her own apartment for a year and a half now. She loves her apartment. We have staff that comes every day to help. At night, Amanda needs to wear an AVAP mask to remind her to breathe when in a deep sleep. She has been taking the mask off in her sleep. This is not good for her health and could lead to respiratory failure.

It has been our attempt to get her more staff so that there is someone there at night to check on her every hour and make sure her mask is kept on.

We first thought of moving her into a group home where there is twenty-four hour staffing. We were scared for her health and almost had her moved. Our gut told us that this particular home was just not the right place for her. We changed agencies and caseworkers to what we thought would be better services for Amanda – and our plea for help for Amanda and the urgency for her to have help at night started TWO MONTHS AGO.

We finally had the mandatory ‘budget meeting’ to help get things moving. (Why didn’t Amanda’s caseworker have us do this 2 months ago?)

In the meantime, we are down to only one staff worker who is wondering if she will even still get paid until the budget gets passed. AND it means that I am the other staff for Amanda right now. That’s okay. I’m her mom and of course I’ll help out with my daughter as much as I can. But keep in mind that Amanda loves her apartment and life independent of her mom and dad and is happy to have others around her – not her mean old mom all the time. AND keep in mind that I have already been taking care of her for over 30 years. AND keep in mind that I have been spending two to three nights a week at Amanda’s apartment to make sure she keeps her mask on. Like last night. I sleep on the couch and my phone alarm wakes me every hour so I can go check on her. It’s not a very good night of sleep – not getting any REM’s. And then I got myself to work at 6am.

In two weeks and a couple of days I am supposed to go to Guatemala on a mission trip with my church. The plane ticket was bought a long time ago and we’ve been planning this for a while. That’s why I started TWO MONTHS AGO to make sure I had Amanda all safe and taken care of.

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET.

I call Amanda’s caseworker almost every day – and mostly I get to leave messages. I try to convey my frustration and suggested that the urgency of this matter that I spoke about 2 MONTHS AGO is now getting to be an emergency. Well Miss Caseworker called her supervisor and Mr. Supervisor said, “If it’s an emergency, then you need to place her in a group home.”

Amanda would be devastated if we suddenly threw her into the group home. What do we do with all her stuff in her apartment? What about the lease we have for the apartment? Does he want to put her in the group home for – how long? A week until we work things out? Two months? And then move her back? Would Mr Supervisor take any of his family members and make them move temporarily like that? And the group home workers – do they know how to take care of Amanda? NO. They would have to be trained. How much time would that take?

AND YOU THOUGHT THAT OUR VETS HAD IT BAD WITH THE MEDICAL CARE OUR GOVERNEMENT WAS (NOT) PROVIDING THEM?

This is just more government Bullsh*t. I’m sorry.

Ted and I talk all the time – that there HAS to be other parents like us with special needs adult children who, like us, just want a safe and happy place for them to live. Are you guys out there? We dream that if we win the lottery, we would start such a place. It would be an apartment building with stores and businesses on the main floor – potential jobs for some of the abler residents! And we’d hook up with a university that could have nursing students, PT and OT students, and psychologists that could do internships with the residents – provide care and LEARN what life is really like for this population. It would be a community with activities and services for everyone.

Is there such a place already?

Would you like to help us start one?

In the meantime, I can only ask for prayers that things will work out for Amanda.

Again – I ‘m sorry folks – but I am trying to cope with the wake-every-hour night I had and a full morning at work – followed by the rotten not-so-helpful communications with Amanda’s caseworker.

Please pass this on … And please offer your viewpoint or suggestions.

And please pray. Maybe this is part of a bigger plan that God has not revealed yet to me.

just Laurel

peace

June 25, 2014 Leave a Comment

Faith

It’s Faith-refresher Wednesday

I have found it quite challenging to make it to the gym these past few weeks. Extra work days, troubles with Amanda, and other ‘stuff’ has made it so easy to say, “I’m too tired” or “I have too much to do”. Well I made it twice last week and have already gone two times this week … so I’m trying my best.

But it made me think 🙂

Having a gym membership doesn’t make you instantly fit and in shape – does it? Many people join a gym with good intentions, or wishful thinking. But unless you take active participation by frequent visits and dedication to the weights, machines, and exercise classes – you will not get fit! Same idea holds true for many things – joining a golf country club won’t guarantee you a great golf score unless you get out there and play a whole lot of golf! Want to learn to knit? Simply signing up for lessons won’t put socks on your feet – you have to learn and practice.

This past Saturday morning our Summer Saturday Women’s Drop-in Bible Study did a lesson on PEACE.

Peace – Ahh … something we all crave and need.

One bible verse about peace that really hit home to me was this one:

1 Peter 3:10-11 For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.”

God wants you to have faith and trust Him – and to seek and ask him for peace. But you can’t just say, one day, I’m a Christian and … well … join the club. You have to commit to the relationship and put in some time.

Peace is not something you spritz on – like perfume. I mean – wouldn’t that be nice and easy. Want peace? Spritz spritz – now you got it!

Want peace? Ask God – for He Himself is peace.

1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.

Oh – he might have you lift a few weights or take several swings at acquiring that peace – but you will learn a lot and feel wonderful when peace is attained.

Peace is ours through Christ Jesus – but you have to actively pursue it … and pursue HIM.

Grace and peace to you,

Just Laurel

btw – if you are in the Trenton/Woodhaven area this Saturday – the Summer Saturday Women’s Drop-in Bible Study meets again at 8am at the Panera at West & Allen.

look beyond the chair

June 23, 2014 Leave a Comment

Tell me more (about SB) Mondays

Don’t stare at the chair!

C’mon people, there are a lot of people in wheelchairs these days. Many people with spina bifida use them. It’s okay – they are fine with it! In fact, there are many people with spina bifida who can walk but choose to use a wheelchair. “Why?” you may ask. Well, even though it may seem phenomenal that a person with spina bifida can WALK – sometimes it means wearing massive leg braces and holding onto crutches or a walker. The wheelchair is like freedom! Hands free! It means you can wheel around and then have hands free for picking up items, shaking hands, or eating. Hands aren’t available for those things if they are grasping tightly to crutches or a walker.

Amanda has had a wheelchair since she was three years old. It’s part of her. You don’t need to feel awkward.

In fact…

… being smaller and lower to the ground like she is, Amanda easily makes friends with other small creatures that are low to the ground.

Like … a neighbor’s puppy:

Or her sister’s cat:

Or a friend’s baby:

It does help if you can get yourself down to her level sometimes:

So throw your wheelchair paranoia out the window and look beyond the chair!

Just Laurel

And one more cartoon … rather twisted humor, but I showed Amanda and she laughed (helps to have a sense of humor!) and replied, “That’s almost funny!”

… forget about it …

June 18, 2014 Leave a Comment

Faith

It’s Faith-refresher Wednesday

I can never forget this story that Ted once told me about his grandfather on his mother’s side of the family. Apparently, Grandpa was once a bit naughty as a child when he got into a field of cantaloupe melons. He may have been with a friend or friends but I don’t remember that detail of the story. But the part I remember is that Grandpa could never ever eat cantaloupe melon because on that day in the field when he was a child, he and his friend(s) at e and ate and ate as much melon as they could consume. It was rather a kind of stealing –they were eating it for free – hence the naughty part. Poor grandpa paid the price and all that sweet, hot cantaloupe that he devoured came back up as sour nasty orange puke. It made him really sick.

Makes me sick thinking about it.

I had a similar experience as Grandpa. Once, after eating some Taco Bell, I got deathly sick with puking and – yeah – the other end too – and swore I would never eat Taco Bell again. (It took me a year or so but I DO eat Taco Bell now.)

Let me now talk about our main bathroom in the house and how I have had the same shower curtain and liner hanging there for years. The liner was getting yucky with all the soap scum build up. I thought I’d get a new liner and threw the shower curtain in the washing machine. But then I remembered that I had this other nice shower curtain in the linen closet. It was the shower curtain that Ted had used in his bathroom in the apartment he had for the year and a half that he lived in Indiana while I lived in Michigan while trying to get our house sold. We hated that year and a half. I hated having to visit my husband in another state on weekends. That year and a half of living separate is a memory that makes Ted and I sick to our stomachs. We never dreamed we’d live apart that long. It was awful. I thought about hanging that shower curtain and at first – I just couldn’t do it. I was thinking it would upset me to look at it and have memories of that Indiana apartment come flooding back.

Old shower curtain hanging on the towel rack:

Now let’s take a look at the bible verses I came across this morning and I shall connect the dots for you on this story!

Philippians 3:12-14 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

In the verse above, Paul writes to the followers in Philippi and tells them to forget their sinful past. He does not expect them to completely lose the memory but to leave it behind them so they can press forward and towards the bigger goal. I think, in other words, it’s like saying “take the old bad experience and learn from it”. It’s done. It’s over. Get over it!

Even before reading this verse, I chose to hang the alternative shower curtain. I like it! It’s a snappy navy blue cotton with a light blue line running both vertically and horizontally. It is much more contemporary and almost nautical (we like nautical things!) and I thought – “…the heck with it being from that awful-never-want-to go there again-Indiana-apartment. I like the shower curtain!

New shower curtain:

Then I read the verse from Philippians and it all made sense. The bad things we’ve done in the past can help shape us for the future by being examples. It does no good to stay stuck in the past with holding onto the same sinful behavior, or reliving and holding on to past bad experiences. In fact, doing that just stifles us from making progress and moving on to better things. Poor Grandpa should have given cantaloupe another chance! I actually LIKE Taco Bell once in a while! And the shower curtain looks great! Fresh and snappy new!

So if you want to move forward but are holding onto the things of the past,

Get.

Over.

It.

Forget what is behind and press on toward the goal.

just Laurel

… spectrum …

June 16, 2014 Leave a Comment

Tell me more (about SB) Mondays

Spina bifida is a SPECTRUM disease.

Now when I think of spectrum, I tend to think of rainbows. Why? Because when white light is refracted it splits and disperses into all the colors of the spectrum – a rainbow.

I really really like rainbows. After a rain, I always look for the rainbow. 🙂

But how does this define spina bifida as being a spectrum disease? Well, if ‘spina bifida’ is like the white light, when it touches a human being, it reveals itself in so many color patterns … and all of them different. If the color orange, for example, represents normal pressure of the CSF fluid in the brain and spinal cord, then absence of that color means you have hydrocephalus. (I wish Amanda had that color.) And if blue represents the ability to walk, well there are lots of spina bifida people who can walk – they have lots of blue in their rainbow! No blue means they can’t walk. So even though you may know someone with spina bifida that walks and works at a regular job – well they have got a different array of colors (symptoms) then someone else with spina bifida.

People with spina bifida are born with their own rainbows. Sometimes, colors are missing or the spectrum of colors (abilities) is arranged a bit different.

It’s okay. All people have abilities and deficits that set them apart from one another and make them unique. Maybe that’s what they mean when people talk about ‘showing your true colors’ – showing people what you DO have.

The impressive thing about spina bifida people is that, even though they are born with a different color palate, it rarely stops them. They tend to take what they CAN do – work with the colors they have – and make the very best of it.

(Yeah – I get angry when I see colors missing from Amanda’s rainbow – darn that spina bifida – but she still has lots of colors!)

So, spina bifida or not, we all need to be the best we can be with what God has blessed us with.

I never saw a rainbow I didn’t like. They’re all beautiful.

Just Laurel

… accept help …

June 13, 2014 Leave a Comment

I CARE for you Fridays.
My Friday blogs are devoted to all caregivers out there but may inspire just about anyone reading.

I have been meeting regularly with the team of people that I am going to Guatemala with in July for a week-long mission trip. At the last meeting Pastor Rick spoke excitedly about our trip and how he is anxious to see how the Lord will use the bunch of us to form relationships with and provide medical and dental care to the people of Guatemala. He explained how if just HE were going to Guatemala, that he would be limited to what he could get done. But when you can pull together more people and the talents those people bring, well then you can accomplish so much more.

It made me think 🙂

All you caregivers out there (and this is not exclusive to caregivers – but applies to any and all people) can accomplish much more if you would accept the help of others. Why is it we are always so quick to help others but hesitant to say YES when someone offers to help us? Nobody says you have to be the hero and take care of your burden (whatever or whoever that may be) by yourself! Make a list of tasks that others could do to help you so that when they ask if they can help, you can be ready to give them a choice of ways they can do that. If you are a caregiver to an older or needy person, maybe you could have someone run an errand for you from your list – maybe picking up some groceries, cooking a meal, or even spending an hour once a week with the person you care for to give you a break.

Even Jesus did not work by himself. Jesus called his twelve disciples to learn and follow in His example. He taught them to pray and minister to the people. And when Jesus needed time for rest and prayer, He had them go with Him to the garden to pray.

If you are so quick to run and help others, keep in mind that there are others who want to reciprocate and help YOU. Don’t be so stubborn.

Hey – we all need a little help from our friends!

just Laurel

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

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