Well ‘justlaurel’ cannot stay silent forever. I know that many of you are mourning the loss of our Amanda as well.  I also figure that so many of you are also asking and wondering, “What happened?”  Although my days are still quite foggy with the inability to sometimes believe that she really is gone, Ted and I keep placing one foot in front of the other because life goes on.  We are still acclimating, or trying to acclimate, to life without Amanda.  We are doing okay.  It is still a nauseating swing of emotions from sorrow to happiness but we have each other to hold onto.  We are moving forward.

So …

What happened?

If you’ve been a reader of my blog or are a close friend or family then you are more than aware of the breathing issues Amanda had. At thirty-one years of age, Amanda weighed only 55 pounds and was stuck in a very small squat body.  Her little torso housed her liver, stomach, intestines, heart, and all the normal parts including a set of lungs.  For most of her life they served her well.  But things got crowded in there and they were tiny squished little lungs that did not inflate very well.  Amanda also had sleep apnea – that means she would forget to breathe when she was asleep.  At night, Amanda slept with a mask on her face while a machine blew air in and out to keep her breathing in her sleep.  For a whole year after moving into her apartment, Amanda kept that mask on all night.  And then about six months ago …

… that’s when things all changed. Again, if you were a reader of mine, then you will know of how we were struggling to perhaps move Amanda to a group home, or get her a roommate, or to make some kind of change.  Amanda was taking her mask off at night and it was affecting her health.  When you inhale oxygen, you blow off carbon dioxide.  Amanda was not blowing off enough CO2 – and CO2 is like poison to your body when it builds up.  Hence, our frustration and anxiousness at making a change for her where we could have more help with staff at night to be watchdogs to keep her mask on.

I saw it coming. For the past months, I saw Amanda spiraling downward.  I tried reasoning with her, bribing her, and then pleading with her to keep her mask on.  She never could explain why she took it off.  We can’t tell you if it was a conscious thing or something she was doing in her sleep.  But she was tired a lot, confused on some days, and just not her usual sparkling self.  I worried each night when she went to bed, prayed she’d make it okay though the night, and waited anxiously each morning to hear from her.

On Saturday, September 27, I had an eight a.m. bible study to go to. I had already heard from a text from Amanda that she was awake.  Her staff was not scheduled to arrive until 8a.m.  On my way to my bible study, I decided to stop by her apartment and check on her.  It was 7:40a.m.  Amanda was up and watching TV but seemed quite weak and her color was not so good.  I set out some breakfast, had her take a drink of juice, and with a heavy sense of worry, I left for my bible study.  After the bible study, worry had gnawed a hole in me and I felt I had to check on her again with my mind already pretty much made up that I was going to bring her to the house with me for the day.  When I returned to her apartment, she looked even worse.  I phoned Ted and told him I was coming home with Amanda and bringing her oxygen machine as well.  I just had a feeling that she might be needing it.  I hurriedly packed Amanda, her wheelchair, and the oxygen machine in the van.  When I pulled into the garage, Ted unloaded the oxygen machine for me and I told him to plug it in right away in the kitchen where Amanda was going to be.  I followed him with Amanda in her wheelchair.  As we stood in the kitchen we watched Amanda go from purple lips to a blue face.  Her head dropped back and her arms went limp.  Every part of her went blue or gray.  I yelled at Ted to call “911” and grabbed Amanda out of her wheelchair and placed her on the carpeted family room floor.  Can you believe it?  I had just taken my annual CPR refresher class.  I felt for a pulse.  It was there … but slow and irregular.  She was not breathing.  She was not moving.  She was very blue and her fingertips were purple.  I’ll never forget it.  I did some chest compressions and gave her some breaths.  And then EMS showed up.

This writing is titled “…of God’s gifts and perfect timing…”.

Well…

What if I had not checked on Amanda Saturday morning? What if she had lost consciousness at her apartment?  What if I had not gone back after bible study to check on her again?  Would we have found her dead in her chair by herself at the apartment?  Her apartment is in Woodhaven and not near at all to the fire station.  At our house in Trenton, the fire station is quite close.  What if I had not just the previous week taken my CPR refresher course?  It also helps when your neighbor is a Trenton cop and hears the 911 call and knows exactly who it is for and is there in seconds – showing the way for the rest of the EMS people.  What a gift.  What timing.

And then …

As I rode in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, our police officer/neighbor had patrol cars stop traffic at two major intersections to clear the way for us to get to the hospital. Amanda! … they stopped traffic for you!

Just a week or two before this day, Ted had commented that we should perhaps spend more time with Amanda. We saw her frequently and took her Sundays to church and to spend the day with us.  But we were thinking we should do more.

We almost lost Amanda that Saturday morning. But with God’s perfect timing, Amanda ‘came to’ at the hospital.  Her time was not up yet.  This was the start of a gift – two more weeks with Amanda.

 

… to be continued …

 

just Laurel