(This blog is the ninth in the series about “Countdowns” as I count down to Amanda’s moving out and count down to the Celebration Concert.)
You’ve heard the expression, “It’s like riding a bicycle. You never forget.” I was feeling that today. Not the bike riding part. It was the memory of some not-so-nice days gone by that I was experiencing a similar day today – and all the feelings came rushing in like it was yesterday. It was like getting back on that bicycle for a ride I did not want to take again. Ever.
Why, yes, I will explain for you.
For those of you who don’t know, about a year and a half ago my husband moved back home. He had been living and working for about a year and a half in another state while I stayed here with Amanda. I had to stay here and try to sell the house. We saw each other most, but not every weekend. It was a sad, lonely, disjointed, miserable, lousy year and a half. Neither of us liked it. I pretty much survived by going through the motions and hanging on to my sanity by my fingertips. Ted and I never want to live like that again. We do much better as a couple. Together. But last week his job took him out-of-state and he was gone from Monday morning until late Friday evening. Oh, Lord, it felt just like before. The week dragged and I felt stuck in a lonely limbo world. We both had the same nauseating feelings come back and sweep over us. And just like before, after being together for the weekend, he up and left again this morning. Out of town. Out of the state. Hopefully home this time on Wednesday. But, we both just feel awful. Like a bad dream come back to haunt us of a time we want to forget.
As I felt myself spiraling downward today and being sucked into those horrible feelings of past days, I realized I had to change directions and at least get out of the house. I told Amanda to get her jacket on and off we went. I surprised her by swinging past her apartment. We were told we could come check it out now that it has been cleaned and readied for us. I think she really liked it. We will get the keys in three days. The apartment has not been modified to be handicap accessible but Amanda usually fits most places we go because she and her wheelchair are pretty petite. There were only two major things that she couldn’t reach: the bathroom faucet handles and the button buzzer that she pushes to let people in. I asked if we bought a bathroom sink faucet with handles she could reach – could we or they install them. No problem. The manager was also nice enough to offer to move the security buttons on the wall down lower for Amanda to reach. We’ll get things changed a bit and Amanda will be settled in before we know it. She can take all her habits and rituals and routines that are performed in this house and start again at her apartment. It’ll be like getting right back on that ‘ole bicycle – different place, but same old familiar ride.
Six days until concert. I hope we have a full house! If you have journeyed with me on these last nine blogs about ‘count downs’ you will know that we are talking each day about another song from the concert, and I have been discussing them in order. The second half of the concert takes us into Christmas. The ninth song is titled, “Night Divine.” The night that Christ was born was like no other. There was nothing familiar. No one could say “Oh, I remember that happening once before.” There was no getting back on any familiar bike ride. This was out of the ordinary. The new King of Kings was a baby! The lyrics tell how it felt:
O night divine. Hear the angels singin’, “Holy are You, Lord Most High.”
The saints proclaimin’, “You alone are glorified.”
The stars exclaimin’, “O night divine, O night divine.”
It is a new song for Celebration to be singing. And it is one of my new favorites.
I will survive Ted being out-of-state and gone. It’s a familiar ride and I know there is an end. I’ve gotten through it before. I just don’t like it.
The birth of Christ some two thousand years ago? I don’t think the world has gotten over that one yet! His birth changed everything!
It was divine.